You know how well a people pleaser I am. And how I am on my way to a transformation. But in this constant struggle of the right and wrong, the past and the future I don’t want to ruin my present. And a new lesson in itself is my struggle to say NO.
I thought it was high time and I had to make peace with this short word called NO. So I started pondering and analyzing the past. I think this all started from getting adjusted in the new schools. The constant urge to blend in the new place and feel wanted to be led to what I am today. To make new friends and feel accepted I would never deny anything. Shared my hard work and let others take the credit and nobody remembers today. So span of the memory of a person who helped you is that short. And I still remember the classmate in Class 3 who helped me with my homework.
It is now a habit to put others need before mine. After years of bad experiences, I am still the same because it is so difficult to be the person who has to reject. Unlearning has been the most difficult part. I began the introspection because this bad habit has been haunting me and creeping into my work. I agree with things that I am uncomfortable in doing. My perfectionist nature also plays its bit and then things go beyond control, my routine goes the downhill and I get angry at the drop of a hat. Frustration is at its peak and I don’t think straight. Mental peace goes for a toss and then I fall ill.
I have come to believe that saying no also involves good decision-making skill which I apparently have to learn. Often I am caught unaware and when I am aware this is a situation where I have to make a decision and no matter what the person says I have to say no and then the next moment I say yes and know it was the wrong decision.
But never late than before, right? Recently I started expressing my opinion and tell people how uncomfortable I am with a decision I made previously and it takes a lot of courage to do that after you have said yes. I have started it small. I say no to my friends if I can’t meet them over the weekend because I want some me time and the same way a no slips from my mouth to my parents too when it comes to few things. Yeah hell breaks loose when I say no at home, but I got to start somewhere,right? 😉
I tell myself daily that by saying no my value doesn’t come down and I don’t need anyone’s validation about my worth, take the time to answer(extremely difficult ) and I know you love being occupied but plan well and then take up new things. I have a long way to go, but I am glad I started it in the first place.
Do you find it difficult to say NO?
This being lesson 3, you can read the other lessons here:
- Lesson 1: What Self-Love Means To Me
- Lesson 2:Why I Had To Learn To Let Go
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long time back my friend asked me to develop habit of saying NO otherwise people will take us for granted 🙂 tottaly agreed with you . nice post
To b really honest, I still haven’t learned to tell “No” !!
trying these days 🙂
Nice write-up, I still have not learned to say NO!! Trying though!
I have now learned saying NO it’s really important!!
wow in the same kashmakash so to say. How to say No. Its an art which is very important. ALways been there for everyone. We forget we are important to. Hope to get a hang of saying No really #zarahatkeblogreads
Beautiful one Ramya… Iv started saying NO recently too… Makes a lot of difference indeed.. Good for us and eventually good for others to know the real us..
Ramya, this truly is a wonderful and apt piece of writing. I too hve learnt the art of saying recently but still falter sometimes.
I feel it’s really hard to deny invitations. I do but then go on a guilt trip and try making up for it. Apart from that I don’t mind politely refusing things I don’t want to do or like. I can totally understand how hard it can be… It’s an art where you get your way without offending others. We all learn… Life teaches us 🙂
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Another good one..and agree with u that it’s really difficult to say ‘No’ but at times we have to do it. I have still not mastered this skill but trying 🙂
I started the habit early, to not say yes to anything that makes me uncomfortable. Many a times doing so makes us ‘rude’ according to others. But ultimately it will be worthwhile to all no matter what they think of us. Love how your series is progressing Ramya. 🙂
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Even though I still find it hard to say no, I have evolved a lot over time. Love the post! Will check out the previous two as well. 🙂
Being able to say “No” frees so much time to do the things that really matter. And more importantly it stops you from being resentful all the time. You are so much happier and more relaxed!
I’m loving this series of life lessons,Ramya! I too have this habit of never saying “No” to others.And this actually has outdone me a lot of times in past. Really glad that you wrote on this! Keep writing! 🙂
Ah the guilt of saying No… how well I remember that devil! Very well written Ramya- stick to this and hopefully you will master this in no time!! Did I just say No – oh no…. 😉
One of the most important lessons of life is to say No !
Absolutely agree… saying ‘No’ is very hard for some but the thing is life experiences force us to then change the way we are. And it is not a bad thing. Having the courage to stand up and say ‘no’ can make a huge difference.
Talking from experience here.
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I know what you mean. It is difficult for people who are not used to it. I am quite a people-pleaser myself and am struggling to change that priority list of mine 🙂
I have been like that and lack the power to say NO. High time we put ourselves first and it’s all about our perspective and individuality. We should never be an option in people’s lives.
You put it across wonderfully Ramya!
Yes it is difficult to say No
But our ‘No’ should not hurt the other person.It is a very tricky situation indeed