I am an extremely sensitive person. I think I inherited this from my mother. I believe while god made my mother he added a generous dose of goodness,empathy, and love towards others. She raised me to be a humble, obedient and a lovable person, moreover a people pleaser. Someone who would immediately do things that are told to and without much reasoning. That was never the idea but just an outcome.
Being that way suffocated me and the perks that came with being raised like this is unimaginable. Loving and respecting others was what mom taught me but then almost a year back, I once had a lovely evening all by myself and for a people person like me, it felt weird that I loved being alone at times and that new feeling felt strange. Like tasting a new dish you know. Then life told me that one, could love themselves and it was perfectly alright to do so.
My upbringing and my complexes made me the emotional person like my mom. In the process of raising me right and not make me an insensitive person, my mom made me ME. Let me give you an example for your understanding: We both follow a policy of speaking very carefully. It would hurt us if anyone felt bad because of what we spoke. As I grew up and met more people and lots of acquaintances, I realized almost none, literally, none cared about us that way.
We cared for others like how we should care for us. In fact, we did the right opposite, we cared for us the least and the others the most. I then remembered my dad telling me not do anything extreme be it praise, love or hate. That is when I realized that I should change, change for my own good. I would be the same person but I will not let anyone hurt me by their nasty comments or insensitive remarks because I would not give them the power to do so. I will not expect people to treat me like I treat them because our perspectives vary. Most importantly not do something to please a person and then feel bad about it.
Previously, if any person hurts me, the statement would run in my head and ring in my ears like a repeated telecast of a famous show with a punch dialogue. Yes, with all the extra effects and music. How could he/she tell me that? Just how? They knew what I was going through. How could they be so insensitive towards me while I was nothing but good and reacted in a supportive way when they went through a similar situation. Yet, she did that to me. How could one assume that their sense of humor isn’t crossing the boundaries? How could one just say something and the pretend like it never happened and how could one use my issues and turn it around and pinpoint on it.Well, so many questions in a tiny brain, right? The whys, hows, and whats ate up so much space in my mind that tears would flow unrealized. Only because I expect people to treat me like I do. Think twice before talking/typing. Ponder of the statement would hurt them. This thinking did no good.So, I told myself not to take things personally and to LET GO!
My sudden change in behavior felt like withdrawal syndrome. How can an over-sensitive and over-thinking person let go? But I did. I did let go of so many things from the past. I cared less and in the journey of letting go, I have had fights with my mom because she thought she is losing the person she raised me to be. She still is worried but in a few things related to work, she tells me to let go and it helps to have support around.
Letting go involves a lot of things. Forgiveness,but learning from the past. Immense self-love which I am still working on. Caring less and yet being sensitive to other’s issues. Most importantly recognizing toxic people and severing ties with them.
Letting go and taking things with a pinch of salt has helped me a lot. Now I am indifferent to the things that previously used to put me off.
Changing one’s persona is difficult. Appreciate that you could do that
Changing for yourself is important and makes the struggle worth it. Thank you 🙂
Ramya Rao recently posted…How I Learned to Have High Self-Esteem
Well put …musings of an overthinker…
Thank you Mayura. 🙂
Ramya Rao recently posted…How I Learned to Have High Self-Esteem
Love your genuine and heartfelt posts, Ramya.
Thank you so much,Mayuri. 🙂
You touched a raw nerve in me Ramya.I guess I am almost the same kind of person you once were.Highly sensitive.It still hurts when someone we care for makes an insensitive remark.Yes,we have to stop assuming that people will treat us the same way we treat them.Sad,but true.That is what is real life is about.
More power to you Subha for being a better version of you. Thank you for sharing your thoughts. 🙂
Ramya Rao recently posted…Why I Decided To Manage My Anger
Very well written!!
Thank you, Ruchi 🙂
Ramya Rao recently posted…Why I Decided To Manage My Anger
An emotional roller-coaster of self discovery and also growing up I guess! Let me tell you, its only sensitive people who keep going through such traumas, the thick-skinned folks are blissfully cocooned in their circle of selfish thoughts. But its all about who you are…its okay to be different.
I agree with you ,Kala. Thank you so much for dropping by. 🙂
Ramya Rao recently posted…Why I Decided To Manage My Anger
HAW!!! People pleaser sounds very boring and tedious but little do people ever stop to wonder how sweet and genuine such peeps are. You are amazing to be one like that! I personally am not and never could be one as I have a huge problem just accepting things – always question and fight it to death!! Hats off for being able to do so. More hats off for learning to let go – thats a verrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrry touch lessons as we all hoard – issues, possessions, relationships…… I salute your spirit to learn the art of letting go. More power to you. cheers!
Hahaha. It was tough indeed. At time very tough. Thank you so much.:)
Ramya Rao recently posted…Why I Decided To Manage My Anger
On the inside, like most other people, I’m sensitive. Probably more sensitive than half the people out there. But, years of being the laughing stock at everyone else’s expense has made me seemingly tough from the outside. I rarely react, but deep down inside, it does hurt, somewhere. I guess this is my way of letting it go. I appreciate you putting this up. I guess we all just look out for people who can understand how we go thru life.
That is a very terrible experience and I can understand. Yeah, all one seeks for is some understanding and a patient ear. Thank you for sharing your thoughts 🙂
Ramya Rao recently posted…Why I Decided To Manage My Anger
If you dont turn deaf ear to unsavoury comments and talk you will carry a lot of luggage which is not only a burden but makes a cycnic of you in the long run.
people have the habit of passing uncharitable comments in the garb of being frank, so one has to cut them to shape. most of us have gone through this stage and only the sensible express such feelings.
I am an overthinker, and I still haven’t learned completely to let go. It’s an achievement, and I applaud you.
Alana recently posted…Summer Ramblings – Five Years Ago
Hehe
And you know what like you people tell methat i went whole on my mom ..
Like mom, Like Daughter 🙂
Ramya..I felt as if I am reading my own diary. I am an overthinker and I don’t like this about myself..We need to let go sometimes and I am glad you took that decision. Its not easy but it is important 🙂
Sometimes overthinking doesn’t help, but sometime it does a great deal. Loved your write up 🙂
Loved this well written post… Written from heart and reach directly to heart.
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Let it go , let it go.
Cos there are far better things to think about like your blog. Wonderfully penned thoughts and something many of us can relate to.
Why this post sounds like my story too ? Although, am yet to let go off that sensitivity which is hitting hard me at times. So, much to learn
I was also like that and gave people that power to control or hurt us. After all, what’s the point of letting people decide for us when they are not here during hard moments. Like you, I am a caring and sensitive soul that most of the time work against me.
Similar personality traits. Let go seems 5 letters but it requires a lot of time to happen. Yes you need it
sometimes its ok to let go. But sometimes I don’t forget or forgive so easily but thankfully that happens rarely
Yeah agreed with this one should learn how to forgive & be better human
This is such an endearing post,Ramya! It’s always good to be simple and calm. Let go of things and move on is a perfect motto for everyone.That’s a wonderful thought I’m taking along with me today. Thanks for sharing! 🙂
Be yourself 🙂
I’m definitely an over thinker, but I taught myself to have a self esteem. Nobody’s judgement or comments about me matter, except of course the very few close ones I can rely upon. For that matter, only a few people have the liberty to hurt us, still it is only when we choose to be affected by it. It’s important to know to let go.
Dashy recently posted…We still stay free #PeriodPride
You seem like my twin sister or something girl. I too am like this. Have changed a bit but by and large the same. I do things just things just as they are told without any ifs and buts, just like you and these things have hurted me quite a lot. Over-thinking everything ruins everything around me and I try not to. It only harms me and no one else.
It’s all a process where we evolve and learn things with time!
Cheers
Geets
You sound like my husband. He tells me to stop carrying baggage .To stop ,over thinking .To stop people affecting me negatively.Just do what
you feel will make you happy and not hurt anybody and things will work out.
Lovely lovely post.To becoming a better you is the best journey
Nice post. This is perhaps the most important lesson of life for anyone.